Dog Hairs

Really this blog can fuck right off today. I had a brilliant night last night and as a result I am surfing the karma wave today by paying for every second of yesterday. If I close my eyes they throb as though they would quite like to leave my skull. If I open them the sunlight seems to shine into my brain with a certain level of venom. As per usual, its entirely my fault and as I lay in bed this morning trying to judge just much longer I needed to be still for before moving would stop hurting, I did wonder if I should have had those last few drinks. Yesterday was much fun though and so I will not live in regret. Just in extreme booze related misery for a few hours and by this afternoon I will probably have forgotten all about it and have a beer. Saying that, I’m not a fan of ‘hair of the dog’. If anything, no one wants to eat or drink dog hairs. Not even dogs. It supposedly comes from the term ‘hair of the dog that bit you’ referring to how by having a small amount of what hurt you, you shall lessen its effects. Thing is, if a dog bit you, and you got rabies or just a big teeth wound, eating some of that dog’s hairs really won’t help things. If anything you’ll just feel worse about the fact that now you have rabies and you’ve eaten some dog hair. When those kids got bitten by foxes recently, I doubt they turned up the hospital to have doctors rub fox hair in their eyes to make it all better.

So here are some very small thoughts before I decide to crawl back under the covers and hope today passes me by unnoticed:

– I went to see my accountant yesterday. Yes this does mean I will stop going on about taxes. My accountant is very good and has once again worked it all out so that I don’t owe the Liberal Cons anything and can generally wallow in my own poverty as per usual. It was all sorted fairly quickly, all the numbers added up and its done and dusted for another year. However, the thing that I could never work out was why he was wearing a big jumper the whole time, drinking hot coffee and yet not melting alive despite the absence of a fan or air con in the room? I am both hugely impressed and slightly scared all at once.

– Most of my money last year was spent on petrol. I have decided I really mustn’t work out my carbon footprint as it’ll be so big it’ll look like two giant clowns have been stomping over the ozone layer. I hate clowns, so I will just ignore it. There’s little I can do about it as I need to drive around, but I’m very conscious that its not great. Maybe I need to invest in some sort of eco friendly travel system? Perhaps a bike attached to a hang glider? Or something made out of grass? Admittedly I have no idea how I’d get to, say, Leeds on any of those, or exactly how they’d work, but its the thought that counts right? No. Clearly not. Quite a bit of my petrol was bought at BP, so I’d just like to say a big sorry to the turtles. Really sorry.

– I am going to the Wireless festival today because my friend Jude is brilliant. I am going to spend the afternoon wandering around commenting on how ‘I thought this was a celebration of the radio’ and then ask everyone where the 1957 Truetone model is. I think it will annoy at least six people.

– I did a casting yesterday. Also at the casting were two of Pappy’s and Lloyd Woolf. Lloyd is at every casting I ever do and I sometimes wonder if he’s actually auditioning or just turns up to creep me out. There was also a nice man who at the moment is in a play where he acts as a monk who keeps getting inappropriate erections. Don’t let anyone ever say creativity in theatre is dead. The casting yesterday involved me pretending I worked in a phone shop. I was extremely tempted to scowl at customers, talk to my friends instead of serving anyone and say things like ‘yeah like, that phone is sick and shit’, generally talking like a moron. I didn’t do any of these things and as such, will probably not get the job. If I do, then I might complain that their view of phone shop staff is askew.

– I meant to mention this last week, but I completely forgot because I’m a dingus. That’s right. A dingus. Still I will mention it now. The Tringe Festival in lovely Tring started on Friday. Its run by lovely people, has fantastic acts on and all the profit is going to charity. Really, what more do you want? If you live that way then I highly highly recommend you go along to one of the many things that are happening. Here’s the link:

TRINGE FESTIVAL

– Also, Nat Luurtsema is finally blogging again. I am pleased about this as she writes bloody good blogs she does. You should read them. There I’ve said it. What you gonna do now? Back down and not read them like some sort of loser? No, you need to grow a pair, get your reading eyes on and tuck in to some lovely blog:

NAT LUURTSEMA, NOCTURNAL DREAMER

That is all. I am going to walk around outside and find a dog to lick to make me better.

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