Blame Pollen

My hayfever is stupid today. I think that would be the official classification from any doctor that I went to see as I was unable to complete any sentence due to rigorous sneezing. He would look at his notes, then look at me, dodge my sneeze and diagnose it as stupid. I’m really unhappy with pollen. Frankly, as far as I’m concerned today, pollen can all just sod off and all the plants can die. I have had a clarityn, the few of the anti-histamines that I can take as a diabetic, and as such, its done fuck all. Either they make you stop sneezing but so drowsy you are unable to do anything anyway or they seem to be merely a placebo. Not even the kind that makes music either. Arf. Sorry. This hayfever attack would not be so bad if my day of mega gigging didn’t end at a festival called Lounge on the Farm where I’ll be surrounded by all sorts of hay, grass, flowers and everything else that could currently class itself as my kryptonite. That is what it is as well. Yesterday as I walked out of my house I saw a woman in the distance carrying a bunch of flowers and as she got closer, I got weaker, and sneezed harder. Eventually a snotty, eye watering mess, I had to stand still till she walked past. I am the shittest superhero ever.

As I said, its a day of mega gigging, starting with Comedy 4 Kids in Cambridge, then a preview in Cambridge then driving all the way to Canterbury for Lounge on the Farm. All this with watery eyes, endless achoos and a slightly sore throat. I’m not sure if that’s to do with the pollen but I’m going to blame it on the pollen. Its definitely not the sunshine, moonlight or the boogie, so that only really leaves pollen. So if I can push on through then the day should be pretty fun. Though all three gigs require completely different mind sets. Mostly around the notion of swears. Gig one: no swearing. Gig two: swearing when necessary. Gig three: festival gig, swear till you die. Ok not strictly true. There are other differences too. Like the fact I won’t be dying of hayfever at my first two gigs.

I’ll shut up about my allergies now, promise. I don’t have a lot else to say today though. Last night I had a really nice night with friends only to return home and stay up watching the ridiculous Moat saga. It was not dissimilar to the election in that I watched it for far too late only to wake up in the morning, find out he’d killed himself and realised I probably could have gone to bed a lot earlier. Its been an odd and rather sick fascination of the press this past week. Yes he killed and injured a few people, which I in no way condone, but lots of others have done similar things and been in the press for a day or two. Whereas this punk haired orange dude somehow has been the brunt of headlines for a week now. I’m not sure with what purpose either. Its been the same boring reports day in day out about how useless the police were in finding a man that would be spotted in a Where’s Wally book in seconds and still chose to wear day glo just incase you weren’t able to see him at night from a distance. What I query is whether or not there has been any other news at all? I mean the spy stuff all sounded exciting, but that’s been largely ignored. Then we’ve had the whole cost of living increase, the stopping of new school buildings by evil puppet tyrant Gove and who knows what else the coalition have been up to while Moat hid in a barn for a while. News, sort it out. I truly think the majority of the country didn’t need to see the shit version of 24 meets Byker Grove and would probably benefit far more from knowing just how Cameron and Clegg plan to kill the poor over the next four years.

Sorry that all became a bit ranty. I blame the pollen. Moat was probably the pollen’s fault too. Lets start a Daily Mail hate campaign against pollen until idiots are going round kicking flowers. Which will in turn release more pollen, then idiots will kick the idiots. Right, that’s my weekend sorted.

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