Not (Football) Focused Enough

As I type this I’m sitting watching Football Focus. I’ll be honest, its possibly my least favourite program in the world. Apart from all those other programs I also really hate more. Apart from those, its definitely my most hated program that’s on the telly. Why am I watching it? Well my friend Louis has produced or edited or something clever a bit of it. Its a bit about Hull. I’ll be honest, it may have already been on, as I missed a bit when I had a shower, but incase its not, I’m watching. I’m sure that any kind of feature on Hull will just show some rain and some general misery but because Louis is my friend I will watch it. I’ve been to Hull once and did a gig with Sarah Millican and Alexis Dubus in a pub that when comedy wasn’t on, they had live wrestling. That’s the sort of place it is. I am praying that Louis’ feature has lots of footballers walking around Hull just kicking things over or painting stuff nice colours. One or the other. Either make it happier or break it more. If his feature has neither of those I will forever hate him for wasting an hour and 15 minutes of my life.

I’m enjoying these Easter Holidays. I’m not on holiday and I’ve been gigging so far the entire weekend, but I’m still pretending I’m on holiday as everyone else is. Just because when Jesus died he made a small post it note out of wood stating that when he dies everyone else is allowed to sleep in and get pissed except the comedians, doesn’t mean he’s right. Anyway, today is the day where he would have just been a bit dead so what is he to know if I pretend I’m having a holiday? Exactly. I’m not religious anyway so I can do what I like. So far with my holidays I’ve eaten some mini eggs, which are what runt chickens have, had a huge breakfast, slept a fair bit, shouted at Lost and 24 as both were clearly written by children and did a gig where a man confessed to putting his own hand up his arse whilst at home. Its best he did this at home and not at the gig or there would have been an even higher level of disgust than before. Whilst slightly perturbed by the man’s willingness to discuss such things infront of a room of strangers, I am almost more impressed by his double jointed ability and his desire to see if he could be his own ventriloquists dummy. So all in all, that was a Good Friday. Well done Jesus for dying so all that could happen. Today’s plan for ‘Jesus is Just a Bit Dead Day’ is much of the same only I have to drive all the way to Poole for my gig, and therefore miss Doctor Who, which makes me more than a tad sad.

While typing this, Football Focus has ended, I didn’t see any bits about Hull and its clear that my attempts at being a top friend have backfired into my own face like a big backfirey face bomb. Damnations.

Not a lot else to say today. So instead here are some notes I’ve been meaning to say on various bits of worldly news throughout the last few weeks but keep forgetting to write:

Claudia Winkleman hosting Film 2010 – Claudia Stinkleman more like.

Rick Martin coming out as gay – When did he go inside as not?

The Bill being cancelled – does this mean when you eat at a restaurant it’ll be free? Or conversely that ducks will just have smaller rounder heads?

That’s it. Please don’t ruin what happens in Doctor Who for me today. I’ll watch it when I eventually get home. So don’t Twitter if the TARDIS has been redesigned using the team from Home Improvement or whether its finally revealed that those bits on the sides of the Cybermen’s heads are so they can be carried around like a handy lunchbox of evil. Thanks.

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