Cereal Loser

This is one of those weeks this week where funds are a little tight. As soon as Saturday passes, things will be all ok again, but up until then there is little cash for various things including necessities. Yesterday I had to wisely spend a small bit of cash on some food to sustain me and Layla for another couple of days. What did I end up buying? The new cereal with crunchy bits on the outside and Nutella on the inside. Yes, I am a child. It became quite clear to me as I came home with a bag of chocolately breakfast food as our sole source of sustainable grub for the next two days, that had I gone to market to sell our only cow, I clearly would have come back with magic beans. What is wrong with me? I can blame part of it on the slightly exciting looking packet and the promise of sugar, but mostly I just don’t think I should be allowed to do responsible things like food shopping by myself. Its clear that I lack the essential survival skills to be able to do such things. Were I ever on Can’t Cook, Won’t Cook, I’d spend my entire budget on ice cream and watch as Ainsley Harriet frowned. To be fair, who doesn’t love ice cream? Or magic beans?

This does worry me in general. I’d like to think that if it came to it, I’d be brilliant at survival. If stranded on a desert island or lost in the rainforest, I pretend that I’d be the person you’d want to have around. I’d be the head explorer who knew how to kill tigers (but I wouldn’t because they are becoming extinct, so I’d just put them in sleeper holds), make Michelin starred meals out of bits of tree and build entire campsites with some canvas and skill. In reality I would lose our only machete having tried to throw it at a parrot at the beginning of the trail, would have used up our torch batteries in my Nintendo DS and eaten all the last food supplies in one mega sandwich I’d made during a ‘midnight feast’ that I hadn’t eaten all of anyway and instead left it lying around which would attract bears.

The thing is, and I know I shouldn’t, but I do blame society for all this. If, on the way to the loaves of bread, vegetables and other food, this red packet of sugary fun hadn’t been so obviously in my way, I would have made it to the other items first. It was placed knowing that it would appeal to my childish mind and I would have no choice but to be seduced by the idea of unnecessary sweet breakfasts that will eventually damage my heart/kidneys/soul but on the way be much fun to eat. Well damn you society. Damn you. As a result, today and tomorrow will be mostly cereal based. I reckon that I can have it with milk for breakfast, perhaps just dry for lunch, with a cup of tea in the afternoon and then to finish off with some ketchup at night. Excuse me while I sob into cereal bowl.

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