Big round of applause please for the Bullet Points! Everyone’s favourite tool for getting out of writing a long blog, and also a dangerous weapon in type font wars.
– LIZZIE AND SARAH
If you didn’t see this last night you need to head to your iPlayer now and watch it. Written by and starring Jessica Hynes and Julie Davis as well as a cast of everyone good ever – Kevin Eldon, Mark Heap and the doctor from Jam – it was just excellent. Ok so there were a couple of lines I felt were unnecessary but generally it was the funniest and most well written 30 mins of comedy I’ve seen in a long time. So to celebrate being given a half an hour of brilliance, the BBC gave it very little advertising and stuck it on at 11.45 at night. Well done beeb. Yeah it was dark, very dark in fact, but it was great and the sort of thing that should have prime time post watershed viewing and a full series. It was the tiny bit of sweetcorn in the huge turd made by various z-list celebrity dancers and the cast of My Family. More please. Thanks.
I’ve got a really boring bit of work to do on something this weekend. It has to be done by tomorrow and after doing all the fun bits on it, I’m left with a good couple of hours of sheer mind numbing yawnsville. Its my own fault, as I keep putting it off, but I’ve put it off so long it now has to be done today whether I like it or not. Yesterday there was adequate time to do it, but instead I played Mass Effect 2 for the majority of the day. Sure, you might say, that’s not productive in anyway, but I feel I must prove you wrong. For a start, I got several steps closer to saving the human race, stopped an infected line of mechs from building anymore dangerous robots, shut down a slavery trade and destroyed one of the most notorious gangs in the universe. I think that when you look at it like that, any boring work I may do today pales in comparison. Really, it must be quite hard being any kind of intergalactic space captain because once you’ve saved humanity, where do you go from there? Running a marathon for charity? Seems tame. Taking up extreme sports? Yeah you might be diving from a plane, but noone’s firing laser cannons at you while you do it, so excuse me while I stop paying attention. Perhaps, like Buzz Aldrin, you take up rap.
I’m doing my bit for humanity today by doing a set for a charity gig for Haiti this afternoon. Yeah I will be all a bit self righteous about it. What do you mean I’m meant to be doing it for them? No, no, no. I thought the entire point was I do it and then harp on about how wonderful I am because I’ve helped people for a while? Isn’t that it? But that’s what everyone else I seem to meet does. ‘I bought the ‘Everybody Hurts’ single and that means someone can have a rock removed from their leg, I’m so great I am. They’ll thank me forever.’ I’ve decided that I really wish charity could be done without people getting the mention for donating it. How about we just give money without having to purchase a shit song, see a show, bath in worms or whatever else it is we have to do? Sorry. This is all a reflection of the fact that even if this afternoon’s gig is fun, I am still snotty and in my PJs and therefore not wanting to move. I was hoping by this point you’d all rally to my point of view and I wouldn’t have to leave my flat. Ho hum.
– CEREAL DIFFERENCES
I really very little to say today but I’ll leave you with knowing that I have mixed my coco pops with my rice krispies. Yes, I know. I’m a veritable cereal rights activist. I almost felt like ‘Ebony and Ivory’ or John Lennon’s ‘Imagine’ should have played while I did it. Then I noticed all the coco pops becoming rice krispies while the milk turned chocolaty and I suddenly realised I wasn’t sure what the message was anymore. If we all mix together, all minorities will be assimilated by the rice krispie people? I got all confused and just eat it all quickly. Tomorrow: Frosties and Crunchy Nut Cornflakes. Seriously, there is no stopping my madness.