Not Fine Speeding

A few things for today:

Not Fine Speeding

I just filled out a form admitting to a speeding fine, despite the fact that Layla had already filled one out that I had signed too saying I was guilty of wanting to go somewhere quicker than I should. They obviously got that reply and deemed it perfectly fine to kill another tree (or perhaps another bit of the same one) and send me out exactly the same letter addressed to me. If they are able to fine me for going slightly too fast on a bit of road where you can normally go that fast, then I should be able to fine them for time wasting. I’m normally pretty good at not speeding. Or you can read that as, ‘pretty good at speeding but then slowing down for the cameras’. Even when I do go over the limit though, its not normally by that much and its usually only when roads are very empty and I’m on my way home from a gig. I think that instead of fining me and giving me points that most certainly don’t mean prizes they should give me a little test to see just how good at driving I am and then evaluate if I should be able to go faster at 2am on an empty road. I reckon I’d pass pretty damn well, yessir. Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing worse than some gimp weaving in and out of all three lanes at 120mph with no concern for anyone else but I’m fairly sure I can go at 80mph instead of 70mph in a desolate slow lane without harming anyone except the odd road kill. Even then, I would probably swerve for anything larger than a rabbit. Stupid rabbits.

I’m so totally aware its all my fault. £60 on stupidity. Ouch. Damn the law. I can’t wait for flying cars.

Karma Hits Me In The Face With A Shitty Stick

My hunt for sponsorship has been completely fruitless so far, until out of the blue last week, I received an email that seemed like the greatest offer ever. I was being offered a very large sum of money to be the face of a food product and all it would entail were some video blogs for their website and some corporate gigs. They seen my work online, really loved it and was pretty certain I was perfect for the job. Sounds amazing huh? That would be Edinburgh and some of my life completely sorted. I read the email, did a small dance mostly involving making the noise ‘yeah yeah yeah yeah’ to a two step beat and shimmying around the living room, and replied. What could possibly go wrong I hear you ask. Surely you’ve got it all sewn up like someone who’s had an accident involving their arse and sewing machine? Well, once again the deity Sod dangled the carrot of hope infront of me, only to remove it sharply and replace it with a hand grenade that when explodes covers me in the dung of several dying elephants. The product was for a meat snack. I have been a vegetarian since birth. I would have to eat the snack. The company said this meant I wasn’t suitable. Of all the products, in all the world, why did this one have to be made of the one substance that is my culinary kryptonite? Damn you Sod. You win again. Never ever have I wanted to be veggie less. I’m going to go kick a quorn burger over the fence as revenge.

Leicester Comedy Festival Preview

So last night’s preview was interesting. There’s definitely a show there but at the moment it needs a serious amount of work and a lot more gags added. To be fair, the audience was only 5 people and two of those had to be there as part of the LCF. Oh yeah, I’m that famous in Leicester, the crowds they do swarm. So whilst they were lovely, I probably couldn’t gauge it as well as I’d hoped. Its not easy to get a good reaction from a crowd that feels as awkward about being there as you do. This then caused me to speed up, not read all my notes properly and generally not enjoy it very much. Still Layla said it went well (although she may be a tad biased) and I felt pleased that I did about 50 mins straightaway with a definite structure of what the show’s about. This all feels a bit less difficult than last year which may be a frighteningly cocky view of it all. Oddly I have the beginning and end sorted and its the middle that’s a mess, which is different to last year’s struggle with an ending.

Next preview show is Glasgow on March 13th (ticket link on the front of my webpage) and I will try and squeeze in a London preview soon after that. This is, of course, if I’m actually going to Edinburgh. Better start eating meat snacks.

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