Snow Joke

‘Ooh look its snowing’ says everyone this morning, which is both observational and correct. Its nice to know the country is not sitting in no windowed rooms staring at the TV all day. Without meaning to sound all miserable and that, I’d really rather the snow waited till next week to happen. Not for Christmas or anything, but more because I have gigs this week and places to drive to which will no doubt all get cancelled if the snow gets worse, because everyone decides its an easy excuse to bunk off. I fully agree with this ethos, but not getting sick or holiday pay, if I can’t get to Leeds on Friday then someone doesn’t get a Christmas present. Simple as. So as a note to my family: if you want gifts, you’d better start gritting all the roads. Get going.

Thats possibly the most negative start I’ve had to a blog all year. I blame it on the fact that I’m getting a new showreel done today which means I spent a large amount of time yesterday watching footage of my own face. I hate watching me at the best of times. I often feel like having to sit infront of a mirror when getting my hair cut is some kind of evil mind game involving me getting so bored of my own face I will state that any haircut I get is fine just so I can leave. Therefore watching hours of my own face, doing bits of videos that I no longer like or feel have any credibility, feels as though it could be used as some sort of Guantanamo Bay type torture. Admittedly I think inmates might think they would have preferred that to water boarding, but they haven’t seen how stilted I was on the Orange TV pilot. Excuse me while I retch thinking about it. I don’t like having to go through things that I’ve done and state which best I’m best in, although at the same time I don’t trust anyone else to do it. My parents would probably say it was all good. Layla would choose all the bits she liked which I would no doubt think were rubbish, and the cats would just scratch all the DVDs. I’m not sure why I’d even contemplate asking the cats in the first place, but that’s what watching your own face for hours does to you. The worst was choosing music for the ‘montage bit’. Ideally I’d like A Tribe Called Quest’s ‘Oh My God!’ because it has the line ‘When’s the last time you heard a funky diabetic?’ in it, but somehow I felt it might be inappropriate for casting directors. Ultimately I wanted something that said cheeky, and yet clever and versatile. So I settled for a recording of white noise and some subliminal messages that flash up and say ‘hire me’ every 20 seconds. Thats clearly a joke but as I type it I wonder if that would be a brilliant plan. Then I’d get hired for all sorts of telly things and the only person who could stop me would be Derren Brown as he would remain unaffected.

Must now go and edit my face lots at the place where they are going to make the previously mentioned showreel. I shall put on my snowboots and venture out.

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