CHiPS

Last day in Edinburgh today and I only have to achieve the simple aim of not eating chips. That’s my main target, as last night, I again fell foul to the 2am chips and cheese danger mix. Its some sort of subconscious need that after a really good gig, I have to ruin it all by slowly destroying my heart by ever increasing cholesterol levels. The entire day pre-gig was fairly healthy, with the possible exception of a gingerbread latte, which for a diabetic like me, is almost some sort of milky sugar time bomb. Essentially just that and the chips are enough to ensure I die in my 40s. So today I will try and be healthy. A bit. Apart from the beers. I find it difficult to be healthy in Edinburgh. Not because there isn’t enough healthy food around, but more because unhealthy food tastes pretty good up here. I can only assume that for locals, due to all the hill walking they need the unhealthy food to keep their protein and fat levels up or they’d just fade away. Maybe when the trams are finally built they will slowly phase all out chippery as it won’t be needed. The city operates on some sort of man made ecosystem. Maybe.

Got two gigs to do tonight. First is some charity gig. It sounds like it’ll be fun but I haven’t got a clue what charity its for and I could end up doing entirely the wrong material for the gig. For example if its an animal care charity and I do all my material about that time I punched a cow, or something similar. Not that this is likely, but you can’t be too sure. I think I’ll go in all guns a blazing, criticise every possible ailment and then no one will feel left out. Apparently the gig is being filmed and shown to NHS patients to cheer them up, which is nice. They do say laughter is the best medicine, but if you have swine flu its probably not. Or in fact most injuries. Especially broken ribs. If you have broken ribs then laughter is pretty shitty. Even when I have a really blocked nose I hate laughing. I’d prefer some lemsip. Whoever invented that phrase was clearly not ill at the time and full of lies. Then after that its back to the Stand, which I have decided is one of the best gigs ever. Last night was unnecessarily lovely and I’m sure tonight will be the same.

Only a brief blog today as I really have little to say. I think this is the chips poisoning my brain. Today I will eat only oats and fruit like a demented horse. I don’t think horses actually eat fruit to be honest. I mean, how on earth would they peel a banana? Or an orange? Oh god I need to stop writing.

2 thoughts on “CHiPS

  1. Particularly nice to see a performer being so respectful of the cause of the charity show tonight. "Some charity gig", huh? Lazy, lazy man – especially given the amount of time spent online, vainly composing Blogs full of "rambling nonsense".Here's a helping hand:http://edinburghnews.scotsman.com/topstories/Health-staff-prescribe-comedy-for.5788923.jpUnfortunately those behind the show will discover that it isn't the strongest of line-ups. However at least they've provided one act in particular, who will give people the chance to go the bar or for for a fag without missing any jokes.

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