Tiernan is currently out of the office on festival business until very late on Sunday 13th September . He will not be answering any phone calls because he will pretend he has no reception even if he likes you. Chances are though he doesn’t like you because he is at a festival and will not like anyone or anything until he can get home and poo somewhere that doesn’t already smell of poo.
If you need to contact him incase of emergency, you’re probably better off contacting the emergency services. Tiernan is terrible in emergencies and tends to just get all panicky before crying a bit. Chances are you’ll be much better off with a policeman/ambulance person/fireman/Spiderman.
In his absence, here is a Do-It-Yourself Tiernan blog that has been kindly put up by his bloody lovely girlfriend Layla.
1.) – Its raining heavily – please head to number 4
2.) – Its really nice and sunny – please head to number 5
3.) – The weather is temperate and there is nothing to complain about – please head to number 6
4.) Oh god its horrible. I’m so covered in mud that when the brown cocoon I’m trapped in eventually dries and cracks off I’m scared I will have metamorphosis into a different person. Or perhaps a beetle. It’s like a mud war here. Imagine mud. Yeah, it’s that but loads. Better still, imagine snow but its brown, very sticky, not cold and smells suspicious. Nothing like snow then. More like mud. We have lost several of our party and they are believed to be buried somewhere in the main festival field. The main stage has sunk and Lily Allen was last seen holding her arm up above her ever-sinking torso as she sank deep below the surface. She gave a thumbs up like in Terminator 2 and everyone wept a tear. I can’t wait to get home. I hate it here.
5.) Oh god its horrible. It’s so bloody sunny that I’ve burnt my face and even though I’ve managed to have a wash I still smell of festival sweat. My tent has become a little bubble of heat and I woke up this morning feeling as though I was in a Swedish sauna. It didn’t help that there was a naked Swedish man in there. No one needs this much sunshine. Except maybe rickets sufferers and people covered in solar panels. Lily Allen evaporated while on stage this afternoon. Everyone wept a tear. I can’t wait to get home. I hate it here.
6.) Oh god its horrible. I can’t wait to get home. I hate it here.
Thanks to Layla for posting this. Tomorrow’s blog maybe a bit late.