Nicemares

I have clearly focused too much on zombies lately. Last night’s gaming session with Mat, whilst occasionally including games such as Arkham Asylum and Prototype, mostly tended towards hours killing Nazi Zombies on World at War or finding different objects to hit the undead with in Dead Rising. There was at least 6 hours spent on the latter, and while I could be wrong, it might be why I spent most of last night’s sleep dreaming about being part of a live action zombie war. The worst thing about the dream is that it wasn’t a nightmare. Far from it in fact, it was pretty damn cool and I kicked some serious zombie arse, without ever fearing infection or death. I woke up this morning wanting to high five myself and get a name badge saying ‘Zombie Killer Supreme’. Well maybe not a name badge. That would look pretty odd, although I think I would be compelled to swap it with someone who works on the tills at Tesco’s, just so it would freak their customers out. What has worried me the most, is that I think this means I have become desensitized to the undead, which is really not healthy. Should the world be overrun by the infected, rather than follow protocol and survival tactics, I might just find it all a bit of a laugh and see how many points I can get by hitting one of them with a cash register. Or worse hugging them and jumping around clapping my hands as now we can all play together. Essentially I think I would just die very very quickly. Or I become the Zombie Killer Supreme and be hailed by the last few survivors as their king for that time I decapitated 12 undead with toy plastic sword. See, I’m at it again. I think I need to leave the zombie films, books and games for a while for fear of permanent brain damage, which ironically, would probably make me zombie-like.

It was nice to go round to Mat’s and do nothing of intellect for several hours. To keep in with the laziness and post-Edinburgh expanding waistline we ate Chinese takeaway (as some futile attempt to catch up with Tom Craine’s Chinese food consumption) and I drove there, which was wholly unnecessary as Mat lives fairly nearby since his rather sensible move. I hadn’t driven through Crouch End for a while and I noticed that the old Woolthworths building has been bought by Waitrose, much like the one in Islington. Also like the one in Islington which is positioned right by a Sainsbury’s and Marks and Spencer, this Waitrose has put itself next to a Tesco’s, and Budgen’s as though it has joined some sort of supermarket war. I don’t like this large amount of choice that’s been given. Surely food places should spread themselves about to provide maximum food coverage? I think I’m going to spend time walking into Waitrose and asking where the Tesco’s value section is, before heading to Budgen’s and asking where the marinated artichokes are. Actually that last one would cause panic as they probably don’t know what artichokes are in Budgens. In fact that could be the point of it all, to have segregated class shopping, with the sliding scale of Budgens to Waitrose with Tesco’s in the middle for the middle class. I think I’ve looked into this all way too much. It didn’t help that heading home, in the dark with a full moon and after playing zombie games, all I saw plastered across this building was ‘Waitrose is coming….’ like a really shit disaster film. ‘Quick run! Its firing sundried tomatoes on focaccia at us! How can we defeat it?’ ‘ Eat your way through it, we can do it.’ Or something along those lines.

I really have very little to do for the next few days, so expect these blogs to be rambley and weird, and I apologise for this. Today is for doing menial things like fix the licence plate on the car and find a way to get washing done as the machine is still broken. As is the freezer, and the toilet seat, and in fact, as I was typing this, the fridge door broke. I understand that Michael Legge now has a broken TV and broken phone and it was suggested by Sarah (@misswiz) that Edinburgh has bestowed us with some sort of electromagnetic abilities that mean we are now incompatible with machines. I think this may be true. Although I am currently using my laptop and it hasn’t burst into flames yet. I think its more likely that its not dissimilar to a very pathetic version of Final Destination. Most of the mechanical things that have broken, were meant to break at some point but by carefully not kicking them in, or setting fire to them, they didn’t break at the designated time. Now, its catching up on me and it won’t stop until everything’s broken. Or maybe I’m asking for it, but let me assure you, the most comfortable way to use my laptop is by balancing it on a very large electric spike above some hot coals.

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