Headaches, Cakes, Lakes and Steaks (please note the latter two are not featured in this blog)

I really hate headaches. Its Layla’s birthday today so I woke up with her at the stupid time of 6.30am in order to give her my poor man’s present of a card I made and some flowers and make her breakfast before she went to work. My penance for doing such things is that when I then went back to bed I woke up a few hours later feeling as though my brain is trying to leave my head by bursting through my skull. That is not how karma is meant to work. I did nice things, so no headache should happen. It’s from this that I have decided that karma is a load of balls and I am going to spend lots of time pushing people over expecting no consequence. The problem with headaches is you can’t do much when you have one. Any other ache is bearable. A leg ache for example means I can still use the computer. As does an arm ache, foot ache or pancake. None of those are half as irritating as headaches. Luckily though, as painful as being up at ungodly hour was and even though it seemed to cause my body to retaliate by making my head die, Layla seemed to like her things and enjoy her first morning as a 29 year old. 29 years old. Thats just a bit terrifying. Its only a year now until she is 30 and that means only a year and a bit till I am too. Layla is a bit older than me which is cool for a few reasons. One, I get to say I’m going out with an older woman, tee hee, and two, she has to be 30 before I am 30. That means I am semi-braced for every new year of age by seeing how she handles it. The problem is, she is far more mature than me and handles all these things very well, whereas I just scream and cry a lot.

Layla spent most of last night baking cakes to take into her school today for the other members of staff. This is something I have never fully understood. If its your birthday then why do you have to take people cakes? I’m sure people have got this all very wrong. Layla should turn up to school and be showered with nice things and not have to make an effort at all. In fact as she got to the school gates the headteacher should’ve said ‘ah don’t worry about today’ and sent her home with a goodie bag and a party hat. Instead she had to slave for several hours last night to treat everyone else. Admittedly Layla didn’t have to cook things, but temporary poverty meant things could not be bought, and Layla’s a mean cake maker. By that I mean she never makes them because she’s mean. Tee hee. No, seriously she’s a very good baker. I refuse to treat other people on my birthday. Its rare anyone ever gets days in which they can be entirely selfish. Well except maybe Rupert Murdoch or Kim Jong Il. For me, birthdays are the day when everyone else can get bent and if I want to, I’m fully allowed to spend the whole day doing what I want and pushing people over.

It was great fun making a card yesterday. I think I may well make cards more often. I used pritt stick, and felt tips and all the while hummed the music from HartBeat when they showed the gallery. It was truly exciting. I put several poor jokes on the card and ultimately, while many of the kids in Layla’s class (they are 5-6 year olds) could probably do better, I think the effort made was important. I have however promised that when I get some dosh Layla can have a proper pressie. Making the card was so much fun though that I think I will just use the money to buy bits of fabric, some pasta and some glitter and just do her a collage. I like collages. I was always sad that I went to a 6th form at my school rather than, like some of the kids, a collage. I can only assume they had two years of fun doing their A Levels by sticking bits of string to sugar paper. I’ve always been a sucker for making stuff like that. When I was very young my mum once came home to find I’d opened a packet of her sanitary towels and stuck them all to the wall in a pattern. When she asked what on earth I was doing I merely exclaimed ‘collage!’ Sadly I wasn’t allowed to send that one in to Tony Hart.

Tonight is for some booze and food with lots of friends in celebration of L’s birthday. Should be fun. I have allocated a whole £10.50 to the enjoyment of this evening and intend to spend every penny of it. Even if things add up so I only have 6p left, I will argue with the bar man until I can have a teaspoon of whisky or perhaps ask him if I can buy him as a target for 6p then throw coins at his face. If he says no to either of these, I will push him over. Headache is now gone. Maybe its the powers of blog writing, though I’m fairly sure its more likely the Anadin Extra I took. I was kind of hoping the Extra bit would get rid of my diabetes but it appears to still be here. Ho hum, next time maybe.

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