I have a headache. I didnt go to bed with a headache, I just woke up with a headache. What could possibly cause such tension in my head while I sleep? There are several possible causes. One would be that during the night someone snuck in and stuck a dehumidifier by my head thus completely dehydrating me. This is not possible as we have big bars on our windows that would mean only a ninja of the highest accord could get into our flat, and even then ninjas of high accord have much better things to be doing than dehumidifying my face. It could be because I slept funny. I am a comedian, it is in my nature to sleep funny. I walk, talk, eat and drink funny, so sleep is just the next step. Some might say I sleep like an idiot. Anyone who has ever shared a sleeping location with me will know that my tendency to snore like someone is drilling a bore hole through your ears is definitely not one of my most attractive qualities. Snoring = idiot sleeping.
It could be because I watched the last two episodes of 24 season 7 last night and the ridiculous end of season cliffhanger and stupid plotholes made me so angry parts of my brain exploded. Seriously, can Jack Bauer just die now? I never thought I’d say that before. As far as I was concerned Bauer was the Bourne of the TV world. I would play the 24 soundtrack in the car and accidentally drive through red lights because I would feel I was on a mission. He was the epitome of badass. Then season 5 was a bit meh, and season 6 followed it by being the hugest pile of shit I’ve ever watched. Season 7 started to redeem itself, but as soon as Kim got in danger AGAIN I knew it was all over. How many times will that girl get put in a ridiculous situation? She had only been back in the series for two episodes and already got herself into a hostage situation. She’s a liability. Kim Bauer should be kept in a maximum security padded cell because everytime she leaves the house something bad happens to her. Its the same with Princess Peach. If you are going to keep getting kidnapped by a giant dragon lizard king, then she shouldn’t be allowed to wander around by herself. I’m almost expecting the next Mario to be where catches her out calling up Bowser and telling him exactly where she is. I think its Stockholm syndrome.
The real reason for headache though is anticipating the boredom I have to endure today. I still have umpteen billion numbers to enter into my phone. You would think that now its the future and everything I could just think the numbers into the address book or press a button and a robot badger would do it for me, but no, it must take up stupidly long amounts of my time. It cant really be the future if things like this are happening. I mean where are the flying cars and tinfoil hats? I think we’ve all been conned. I also have to clean the bathroom. I’ve promised Layla I will. I don’t ever really understand why bathrooms need to be cleaned. How can they get dirty? They’re full of soap and water. Finally, the last and most boring thing is start on my taxes. Every year I think maybe I should just spend a few hours every month sorting out that months wages and outgoings, and every year I don’t bother, get to May and panic about doing it. I then spend two solid days bored out of my skull before I go and see my accountant who tells me I’ve done it all wrong. I hate tax. I don’t see why I should be sorting it all out when it’ll only go to some MP to spend on a house they don’t live in. So the boredom doth begin.
To keep it at bay I will spend every ten minutes downloading a new app for my iphone and then tweeting about it. Doing this should take about 10 minutes at the end of which I’ll realise I’ve spent another whole day not getting anything done. I really really need a robot badger.