Social Reaper

What seems to happen if I don’t have gigs for a few days is that I get coerced into socialising at events that I would normally avoid by being busy. I then like to combine these events with seeing friends that I haven’t seen in ages and as a result end up like a social whore flitting from bar to bar, culminating in my drunken mess. I don’t really have much time to go and see the people I like anymore so when some of my time is taken up with people I don’t like I get very impatient. At the first stop off last night there were several people I really like. Unfortunately several attempts to speak to this people were interrupted by morons. One moron in particular who was so intent to be the work clown in all situations, having replaced part of her name with the word ‘whore’ because its obviously oh so funny. Within minutes she had proved that she fell into one of the categories of people I dislike by saying that there were loads of suits in the bar as they had obviously fled this way to avoid all ‘those horrible crusty protesters in the City today.’ From this I garnered that she was both snobby and right wing. Her next comment was to tell me she had been made redundant. It was as though she had perma-sealed the image of an ignorant cock onto her forehead. How could she hate the people that were protesting against the terrible world situation that had made her lose her job? Of course I’m assuming it was cut backs that caused the redundancy. It could also realistically be that her bosses thought she was as repulsive as I do.

I find that even though its not the nicest of chats, that I have to bring up, fairly early in conversation, how the credit crunch is affecting people. I find the whole situation baffling and interesting at the same time so want to know what its doing to people’s lives. Unfortunately most people at this do last night wanted enjoyable talk about gardens and weddings, and did not appreciate me bringing up that their jobs were on the line or the pay cuts they have had to undertake. I felt a bit like the bringer of gloom. Which I really enjoyed. I think its only right that in my job I attempt to give people mirth and enjoyment so on my nights off I’m fully allowed to be as miserable as possible and suck that mirth away. I also find that I enjoy myself far more if I can make someone who laughs at their own hilarious nick name turn a smile into a distraught expression of realisation at the downfall their overly swanky life has taken. Its amazing how so many people don’t really do anything about it, or even consider learning about what’s been happening. Generally people seem quite happy to just sit around watching everything collapse and assume it’ll probably just sort itself out. There were 4-5 thousand people on the demo yesterday, but really there should have been millions, if only because then the police would have had real difficulties blockading people in. If anything we could have blockaded them in and stopped them from causing disruption and violence. Those police are just so unruly turning up in all their garb and wanting to ruin a peaceful protest as soon as they can. If you ask me, all the anarchists should have their leave cancelled so that they can keep them under control.

These drinks were then followed by heading to the comedy house of Crainsema (as I have just named them) for further booze, xbox and general nice banter where no one spoke of redundancies because we are all comics and therefore it doesn’t really count. Elis James and Josh Widdicombe were also there, and Elis exclaimed that he hadn’t played a computer game for 16 years which automatically put him in the same sort of league as a massive loser. I don’t know how I would have survived if I hadn’t played computer games since the age of 12. For a start there would have been a lot of time at Uni I would have just been staring blankly at walls with nothing to do. Of course I could have studied and read stuff and got a better degree, but that’s just being unrealistic. There are many other times when as a teenager I would have found myself sitting around kicking my feet without a console. Of course I could have gone out to parties and possibly got girlfriends and had a far less frustrated youth. Ultimately, Elis’s lack of gaming doesn’t sound that bad. Until you realise that he had done none of the exciting alternatives and therefore would have been far better off doing his telly a favour and plugging it into a Sega.

My drinking ability has really gone downhill lately and I eventually had to leave to stop myself falling asleep on the sofa. It used to be that there would be several stages of booze for me. There would be nice chilled ‘beers 1-3’, followed by ‘fun and sociable’ which would descend into ‘slurry, fun and sociable’. This would then become ‘overly sociable and slighty too touchy feely, with lots of slurring’, and then finally ‘sleep’. It now jumps straight from beers 1-3 into sleep. I need to learn how to make it back to the way it was. Perhaps its impossible unless, like Benjamin Button I can somehow put my liver’s ageing into reverse. I’m meeting my friend Mat for booze this evening due to further lack of gigs. In preparation I am listening to the Beat and sitting in the sunshine. This combined with the current recession, protests and having a Wispa the other week should persuade my body its still the ’80s. Of course the downside of that is that my tolerance for booze as a child was even less than it was now. It could all end up very messy today.

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