Ah isn’t the snow so lovely and pretty and great in the way it ruins everything and breaks the whole of the UK with its lovely coldness? I love the snow. I think its ace. What is not ace is that I was meant to be going to Swansea tonight. There is really no way that is going to happen now. No way at all. I mean if London is acting as though its been buggered by a nuclear snowstorm, then Wales must be a mess. I mean it can only be fact, can’t it? The gig tonight was meant to be with Tony Lee, who is an awesome hypnotist and occasional cage fighter, which I think is a lovely combination of jobs which means that one day he will take over the whole world. I’m am fairly sure that even if me, the students, and the whole rest of Wales can’t make it to the show, I’m fairly sure Tony will find a way. Probably by riding a bear he’s mind controlled or something.
Of course, he’s also Canadian, so that helps. I’m fairly sure all the Canadians in the UK right now are sighing at our inefficiency. Well let me tell you, that yes we are being incredibly crap about some cold water but I think thats because we all want to be crap about it. ‘Oh look aren’t we caught out by the snow!’, ‘Oh no what a shame we can’t go to work or school or all the other things we hate, isn’t it terrible?’. I think that as a country we know that everyone will skive anyway so we’ve given up trying as a whole. Yeah have that Canadians with your stupidly still doing stuff even though its cold and icey, while we’re all tucked up in warmth and fun! Who’s the losers now? And for that Britain, I salute you.
Last night we caved in and got some pizza. Health-wise it was the worst idea ever. Grub wise it was an excellent choice. I love pizza and particularly Papa John’s because they give you a little heart attack inducing pot of garlic butter to dip things in. Sheer genius. If I’m going to die of high cholesterol I hope its through drowning in garlicky fat. Of course I need extra layers to survive the cold anyway. Ahem.
Despite the goodness of pizza, nothing can make me feel more guilty than ordering anything last night. Our pizza was over an hour late so I rang to complain and was dutifully told that one of their drivers had crashed in the snow. This made me feel a little bit bad and allowed them to take another 30 minutes. The man that arrived at the door looked like an avalanche had hit him, and had the expression of someone who has only just realised he has the worst job in the world. It can’t be fun, but I think the man in Costa coffee on the M1 hates life more. I tried to do my usual friendly banter with him that I always do with people I don’t really want to talk to ever. He then made me feel very guilty by telling me how he had fallen over in the snow twice already, and that meant I sort of had to tip him. Thing is I wouldn’t have fallen over, so in fact what I was doing was tipping his poor footing and inability to deal with all weather terrain. What I should have done, rather than give him my much needed £2.50, was equip him with some home made snow shoes and a helmet and told him to buck up his ideas before booting him back out into the wilderness. Thats what I’ll do if it ever snows again.
Still haven’t got confirmation I can skip on tonight’s show. If I end up going apologies in advance if there is no blog tomorrow, but I might be stuck under 40ft of snow in the Welsh valleys. Not my ideal way to go but at least it’ll look nice. With any luck I’ll freeze and defrost in 2150 and become like Brendan Fraser in that crap film. Or gain powers like Iceman. Fingers crossed.