Taxing Times

My tax is due at the end of this month and its not ideal. Why would the government choose to ask for all your dosh straight after Christmas? Not only is it inconsiderate financially but also its a bit like saying ‘Enjoy Christmas did you? Well lets just ruin your new year asap to make up for it.’ As its my first tax year of complete self-employment I have to pay two years worth up front. I’m not sure why this is entirely necessary, as though they don’t trust that I might pay next year so they’d better have it all now. I’m a fairly trustworthy bloke. Once when I was at school my mate Chris pushed a shopping trolley down a hill and it unluckily hit his mum’s car and dented the door. To this day I’ve never said a word. I wonder if I regale the HM Revenue with that story they might let me off half my payment. 

And its the credit crunch. While it would be massively counter-productive, why don’t government just let everyone off tax till its all sorted out? Probably because it would be massively counter productive. Well forgetting that idea, if anyone knows of any quick ways of making a lot of cash please let me know. At the moment I’m starting to consider selling crack. I don’t know how you go about that but I reckon if I don’t sleep for a few days and tear some of my clothes up I’ll look like the sort of person that deals with the stuff. 

I don’t like being broke. It requires a lot more imagination than when you are living comfortably. Suddenly instead of buying food that you would like to eat, you have to learn different ways in which you can cook that half a cauliflower, some butter, half a pot of jam and some flour tortillas together as thats all you have in the fridge. Instead of ever going out, all sociable activity must be conducted at your house, with your guests bringing the booze as a type of payment for the use of your property. On the plus side, none of my friends have been coming round, so unintentionally I’ve started detoxing for the new year. Every cloud as they say. 
I am spending to day working out how to cut costs. If only I can figure out a way to make the cats eat paper. Maybe if I drew cat food on it, it might fool them…

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